True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
