do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
