STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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