Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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