You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize