They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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