I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
