omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
