people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
