Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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