Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
