Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize