Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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