yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
