I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
