I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
