It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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