"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
