already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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