we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize