We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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