Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
