just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
