I heard we made out
This house was built for laser tag.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
