Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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