Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
