i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
