I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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