I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
