Why are handjobs necessary in class?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
