bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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