so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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