If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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