i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
