my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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