we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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