1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
