My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize