i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
