It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
