Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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