I cannot find my penis.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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