She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
