remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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