meet me or not, i'm out of control
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
