If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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