12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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