you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
