Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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