Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
