dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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