: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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