"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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