Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize