I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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