I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
