my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
