I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
