Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
