How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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