Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
