I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
