I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
