Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
