just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
