You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
