he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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