hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
