Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
