I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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