I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
