so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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